The Worst ‘Roommate Wanted’ Ad EVER!
November 28th, 2007 | by Ginnie | (Visited 182,380 times)
This was posted on Craigslist but then promptly removed. I was lucky enough to get a copy via email and couldn’t help but laugh and share.
Most of us have done the renting and roommate thing and while renting a great way to save money and split housing costs, it can be hell. You may learn something about yourself, you may even gain a special insight into the lives of the opposite sex, but eventually, you’ll swear to never do it again.
There really doesn’t need to be anything further said here, a few lines into this want ad and you’ll begin to appreciate the luxuries afforded by paying all of the rent!
I am seeking out a roommate. I’ve had several the past 3 months that did not work out so well and am hoping to find “the perfect housemate.” I think it can be done!
1. I am a plastic surgeon, single straight male, and am wealthy but rather lonely. I could keep this house to myself, and have for about a year, but I’ve realised that life is much better when it’s shared with people who are conscious (as opposed to my clients and my nursing staff!). (This is not to say that my nursing staff is unconscious - obviously they are not! It’s just very difficult to become friends with a staff that is somewhat dubious of my methods. I’m no rogue, but I do have Eastern-influenced techniques that some find odd and/or disconcerting - but I do have a 99% success rate! In any case, it doesn’t make much sense to mix business and pleasure.)
2. I do have a dog, Basil Ironweed (yes that is his name, people seem to be confused that I have given him a full name like a person and some kind of laugh, but I assure you I take my dog very seriously and treat him with respect, and I ask that you do the same). It would actually be ideal if you have a female dog of pure pedigree (I’d need to see the papers though, for breeding purposes) and I’d prefer her to be a medium-sized dog (I will consider most breeds except absolutely no Australian Kelpies and no American Water Spaniels, please! The colouring of the mating dogs’ possible kin would be horrendous if this were the case! Also, Basil is a Border Collie in case you were wondering!) If you do not have a dog, that is also fine. All other pets will be considered except: no cats unless they are of the outdoor variety, no arthropods, and all avians must be salmonella-free, clipped toenails, and tagged.
3. My house has only a one-car garage. It used to be a two-car one, but I decided to convert half of it into a micro-personal gym as I am rather health conscious. (I do have a gym membership, but my gym is not 24-hour, and sometimes at night I really need to get on the bowflex to burn off some of my energy since I have a lot of it! Also, after meals it’s inconvenient for me to run off to the gym, and that is why I need one at my disposal. The gym membership is because they have a pool there, and swimming is really good for the joints. Just in case you were wondering.) That said, you’ll have to use street parking, but I assure you that my neighborhood is quiet and safe, and there is usually a spot right out in front of my house! (The only time the spot is taken is when the lunch truck comes for the construction workers that are on the corner of my street. It only sits there for about 20 minutes between 1 and 2 pm during the week, depending on how chatty the boys are that day.)
Anyways, I have a few rules that need to be followed, but other than that, we should get along fine! I request that you listen to all music via headphones. I have mild tinnitus and the sounds from most Hi-Fi equipment sans headphones really irritate me. I am open to discussing music, but sadly we cannot directly share it as my ears can’t handle rapidly changing frequencies. (If you’d like to share lyrics, I’d be more than delighted to oblige!)
If you are going to cook, please do not use the following spices: curries, paprika, anything Cajun, and dill. The smells of these things turns my stomach. (If you have any scents that you’d like to avoid, by all means let me know and I’ll do you the same honour.)
You must brush your teeth at least twice a day. If there is anything I cannot stand it’s filthy teeth. (Believe me, I’ve had a couple roommates who just could not handle this simple routine - your gingiva may not mind, but I certainly DO.)
If you are going to watch tv, please let me know in advance which programs you’d like to watch. I do have TiVo, by the by, and I have certain shows that I simply must watch when they originally air. I cannot be too flexible with this because I cannot stand to wait to see my programs. You have to understand that I simply have to watch them when they originally air or I will get a little batty. Most of my programs are on public broadcasting and do not tend to run during prime-time spots.
I do not appreciate unannounced house-guests. I need to know at least two days in advance that company is coming - I need to know the duration of the stay, and the nature of the visit. But, I am open to any and all visitors, I just need to know the specifics involved.
I have reduced rent drastically because I realise that some of my requests might seem slightly stringent. I will pay the bulk of the rent in exchange for your understanding, your commitment to the house, and your humouring of my quirks.
You must be ok with my upholstery hobby. On every third Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture. I am a perfectionist and require complete silence in the house. I’ve tried this with housemates who’ve promised to stay in their rooms, but this proved impossible as bathroom habits demand a regular schedule that interrupts my artisan work. That said, I will give you a small stipend on these days if it will assist you in finding something to do with that block of time.
No newspapers or magazines. The ink gets everywhere and the gloss irritates my eyes. Sorry! You are free to read them on the front porch, but they must be stored outside of the house (perhaps in your car?)
This is not to sound discriminating, but, if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity as the cadences used in these languages are grating to the ears and nerves, for me.
I have fresh produce delivered from an undisclosed location to my home every Wednesday afternoon. Please do not purchase fruits or vegetables and bring them home. You can request any that you desire and I will add them to my order queue. (I am fastidious about potential-GM produce and pesticide usage - I will not tolerate either!) Also, if you insist on preparing red meat dishes in the home, do cook the meat thoroughly. IT MUST SIZZLE.
No cellphone tones in my home! Please use silent mode only!
You are not to use paints in the home. The noxious odours will aggravate my allergies!
That’s the summary of my requests! I do actually have a handbook which I will provide for your perusal during our interview (yes, there will be an interview for final-stage candidates) that outlines all of my more particular requests.
If you are interested, please email me the following information:
1. Name
2. Occupation
3. Age
4. Allergies
5. Favourite author
Cheers!
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gee…i wonder why he’s so lonely? and do you think this was a real posting or just something to be funny?
You know it’s hard to say.. If intentional, it’s so creative that I have to give props to the person that wrote it. Although, it sounds as if it was truly honest. Before posting any of these types of things I do some basic searches just to make sure I’m not just reposting the same thing that’s already been everywhere else.
A good example is the Animal Abuse article and the Walmart Cake article - I was one of the first to get those out there (which eventually brought in well over half a million visitors each).
So after searching, I didn’t find anything on this, leading me to believe that it probably was earnest.
I would love to see what responses he got too - I bet a trained psychiatrist would have a blast with someone like this
What a knob
**** THAT THIS GUY IS AWESOME. This is f*cking hilarious, I want to apply right now.
How bizarre! I don’t know whether to feel bad for the guy or laugh.. okay laughing… Yeah hard to tell if it’s “real” or not, but he makes Monk seem incredibly normal.
where’s the contact email? i’m moving in.
So he’s way the hell too eccentric and stingy, but makes good money and is willing to cut the bill down because he knows he’s a fucking fruit loop? shit cut me in all i Do is play WoW all day that’d be golden HA
No no, he said he likes people who brush their teeth TWICE a day..you prob don’t even shower.. you’re not allowed to live there tubby!
Why do you say things to try and hurt us WoW players? Not all of us are fat and don’t shower you know…
Because you identify your position in society with a video game that you play to much.
Fatties.
I’m a WoW player myself and unfortunately this stereotype is very true
I’ve never met a hygienic, fit WoW player.
I haven’t met her, but Felicia Day (the actress) plays WoW and she’s pretty and must be hygienic to work with other people all day long.
God, yeah, because it’s not as if people can enjoy a game and maintain basic hygeine.
Oh, wait…
I’m rather confused by this. What is so bad about the request that it was pulled from Craigslist? While I certainly wouldn’t take his offer, nothing sketchy appears to be going on (besides the fact that he chose to be a plastic surgeon), and depending on where he lives I wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to find someone irritated by similar things. He seemed to be very respectful of other peoples needs, but he just had a few extra needs of is own. Now, I think he’d of been better off going on an online dating site to fill his companionship needs, but I highly doubt that would qualify his ad as “The Worst ‘Roommate Wanted’ Ad EVER”
When an article gets a lot of hits from one source (Digg, etc.), it’s often pulled from the section if it’s in a valid section. It’s a decent anti-spam measure, but sometimes it has false positives. Sometimes ads like this truly do merit the traffic they get due to how unusual they are
And if you consider the fact that you are trying to obtain a roommate, I’d have to say this is a terrible ad =P Sad as it may be, truth (or at least too much of it), has little place in advertising nowadays =/
I’m his arch-nemesis.
Anal-retentive much, number 3 would be lucky if anybody lived with him/her… he/she would probably have to pay someone to live with them.. never-mind reduced rent
Erm. It’s all one listing, just three different points. Hence the title “The Worst ‘Roommate Wanted’ Ad EVER!” It doesn’t say ads.
Well, I have to actually give this guy credit - think about it… most roommates have plenty of idiotic quirks and demands that they try to make you adhere to. At least this guy is being honest about them from the start, instead of forcing you to find out about them later after you’ve signed a lease, like 99.9% of potential roommates out there!
Actually, a few lines into this didn’t make me want to live alone - it made me want to move in with this guy! I wondered if he was being honest, because his statement that he’s a plastic surgeon who’s going to pay most of the rent and works out regularly sounds a bit too good to be true.
I think the quirks that would most bother me would be the tinnitus, which seems to make him irritable to a lot of noises; the unannounced house guests thing (that seems a bit inflexible! I like a good relaxed flavor to my house); and the cell phone tone thing. So in summary, I wouldn’t take this offer, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me.
OCD
I think it’d be great to reply to his ad w/ a similar list of bat-shit demands (maybe an absolute fear of dark spaces so all the lights have to be on at all times, even during the day. Or claiming a nut allergy and a strong aversion to lemons and kiwi.)You wouldn’t get past the interview, not that it matters as no sane person could live under such stringent demands, but it’d be hilarious if you could secretly videotape it!
Seems to me like this guy is on the autistic spectrum. Needs to know what’s going on, needs control, sensitive to sounds and smells, not so good with relationships. Smart enough to know he’s odd and has come up with a way to deal with it (lay out his quirks and use his wealth to make up the difference to his roommate).
Like Rachael said, at least he’s up front.
I agree, he must have asbergers or something, surely
This poor guy obviously has Asperger’s Syndrome. I should know, as my wife, my youngest son, and my brother-in-law have it. This is my life. I can only listen to my music on my iPod. I must be careful with all scents.
The sad thing is is that I’m pretty sure I would consider this if the rent was cheap enough.
Sheesh… And my girlfriend thinks it’s bad that I won’t eat food that’s touched the counter.
Sadly, I know for a fact that this article is true. It was posted in early November in the San Fransisco region craigslist. I was looking to rent a room while going to school, and saw this disturbing ad. I thought about answering it just to meet the guy, but ultimately decided that I would be too tempted to test out some of the things he says will annoy him, just to see what would happen.
This man is a peach. What’s not to like? He’s clean, healthy, honest and generous. And he’ll buy the fresh produce and pay for movie night! I hope my mother doesn’t see his ad.
I have a different point of view on this.
Can you imagine that if women were this honest before a relationship? The species would die out in one generation…
It may seem insane, but this stuff is equal to demanding the toilet seat be down each and every time it is used. Hey try leaving it up for the guy once in a while.
Raising a tantrum about which direction the toilet paper rolls off the roll is just as insane as the upholstery demand. How many guys have suffered through that insane and unnecessary situation?
How about the “does this make my butt look big?” compared to wanting to know about guests two days ahead of time. Both are stupid, neurotic and bordering on insane, but not so different.
The guy orders his own food and has it delivered. Why? Because guys hate shopping! … Any kind of shopping!
No newspapers or magazines? Is that so unreasonable as a woman wanting everything with a smooth (usually wooden) surface to be covered by a cloth?
Men put up with worse irrational psychosis demonstrated by women every day just to satisfy one natural and necessary urge. Men know their faults and work hard enough on one at a time to get through life, and it starts by admitting they exist (like this guy did). Women, on the other hand, deny they have any faults, make a point at pointing out the faults in others, and throw a tantrum when the light of obviousness and truth shines upon their weaknesses… and in the end blames you for them.
Oh yes, that man was brutally honest, and probably forever lonely. I am waiting for hell to freeze over by a woman announcing to the world about how nuts she can be.
This guy is nothing compared to living with any woman.
The perfect partner is not the one without faults, and I know this is a weird place for this topic, but it needed saying. The perfect partner is the one willing to work on their own weaknesses for the sake of the other (and visa-versa), not to make the other’s life a living hell constantly pointing out those flaws in the other. Uniquely enough, those flaws go away or become less pronounced when one is trying to live for the other. Most divorces are a result of this failure in point of view.
Some advice both my parents gave me at separate times. They were married for 50 years before Mom died with my father beside her.
This guy is too entrenched on what annoys him, instead of what pleases him. He should perhaps worry about that more and the annoyances will minimize on their own.
Incidentally, my childhood was spent in a house with all tables and dressers with a cloth or doily on it, all rolls of toilet paper unrolled from the top, two bathrooms, one men’s and one women’s (one had the seat up and the other down), everything was a compromise or a “it doesn’t matter, whatever makes you happy” thing. I am one of eight children that were all very different. The most important thing learned is that there are not so many things so important as to start an argument over, and there can be many “right” ways to do something. Mom once told me “girls” have a harder time learning that.
Boy, was mom right.
loving the subtle sexism. don’t know many women under 30? it’s a new generation darling…
Wow. Hope this guy and his dog are happy. To be honest, he’s so neurotic I’m amazed he can even stand to have a dog. I agree though, some serious Asperger’s going on here. I have tinnitus and can hear electric items all the time (my desk light regularly drives me insane, and I get mad at my mom when she leaves the TV on but turns the satellite off so she thinks it’s off, but I can hear that it’s on), but not to the point that I don’t love to listen to (often loud, generally ROCKIN’!) music. And no newspapers or magazines? What the crap? Not allowed to speak French, Urdu, or Afrikaans in his vicinity?! Not allowed to buy your own fruits and vegetables?! Must vacate every third Tuesday of the month while he UPHOLSTERS?!
Insane. Seriously, insanely, insane.
Sad person…I pity him/her.
I’m not really into Pokemon.
Hahaha, yay xkcd!
Wow cool kids out there =]
picky picky people out there
[…] this and thought it was hilarious. While it’s more than likely in jest (although you never can be sure with Craigslist), the tone of the question is entirely […]
I feel really bad for this guy. I think he may have to get used to living alone.
Hmm, the guy sure seems very lonely. I kinda feel bad for him though…. with having all those allergies and problems…..
I think he may have autism or asperger’s syndrome.
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/488537774.html
Where do I sign up! this place sounds like its non-stop fun and games!
Very american psycho-esque
wonder does he have a card?
This guy is NOT the worst roommate ever. The worst roommate ever - and we all know people like this - has the same kind of quirks and weird needs and desire to control everything, but doesn’t bother to let you know about it until AFTER you’ve already moved in and probably AFTER you’ve already done something wrong. “Oh no, everything’s fine, really, I just - I really wanted to upholster today! And now I can’t, because of you, and my day is ruined. Thanks a lot!”
This guy knows what he wants, knows it’s unusual, has a bit of a sense of humor about it, and is willing to make accommodations himself to make the situation work. What’s the big deal? Yeah, the situation’s not for everyone, but that’s what the Internet is for, right - so compatible people with compatible needs can find each other. Heck, someone just bought my broke-down car, which had way more problems than this guy.
I have read a really similar, but different, version of this. I think it’s kind of an urban legend.
Funny though.
Um yeaaahhh, this guy, probably doesn’t realize he has some sort of severe OCD; cause he practically pays attention to every detail in his life and disregards everybody else.
With that out of the way…, no thanks! HAHA!
the only reason it should matter if a bird had salmonella is if you plan to eat it. that makes me think this whole thing is bogus.
Why not link to the original post instead of copying and paste it all?
Oh, right, you’re scum.
I would not room with anyone with a dog named Basil Ironweed.
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OMG Dude get a life
That is hilarious. If he is serious, it might be the ideal situation for a student needing cheap rent. The guy said he would pay the ‘bulk’ of the rent and the fruits and veggies might be free. On the ‘upholstery days’, you get some cash! It would be tough to schedule visitors, and the music thing would be annoying, but the housemate could play music woth headphones when the guy wasn’t home.
It’s good to ‘lay it all out there’ when renting a room out, and he did.
When I bought my house in 2002, I rented out 1 of 3 upstairs bedrooms and a mainly finished room in the basement. Sometimes I had one housemate, sometimes 2. I only have 1, now, in the basement room and don’t think I ever have to have a 2nd again.
My rules are simple. No loud music after 9pm weeknights, notice if they are going to have several people over at a time or more notice for any sort of ‘party’. I make it plain that things like lawn-mowing/snow shoveling and taking the garbage out are shared. Picking up of common areas or vacuuming the back stairs. Cleaning the bathroom that they use. I also ask for help here and there with small repairs. I offer to share the expense of toilet paper/paper towels/laundry soap if they aren’t using their own all the time. It seems to work well.
One housemate I had, though, was a neat freak. he would complain that he would clean the living room table and soon after, my daughter, 7 at the time, would mess it up or leave sticky stuff on it. He would also complain about various other small things. He saw the house before he moved in. He saw it was cluttered at times or dishes pile up- I work ft and am a single parent- it was the housemate that was too picky.
Yes, the post above is a little over the top, but at least he spelled it all out.
I believe this was my former roommate.
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I think it would be interesting to live with this guy for a while… if it works out you will have a most unique friend, and if not, you will greatly appreciate every roommate after.