Can You Fight A Dog? If So, Could You Expect To Win?

January 5th, 2009 (Visited 213,416 times)

Could you fight a dog?  Without the gun of course.We see it all over the news and media. Some new “murder dog” has savagely attacked a young child or older adult leading to massive injuries or even death. But as someone more in the middle of life with a reasonable health record, it becomes a curious question, if you’d be able to handle a fierce dog coming at you.

This whole topic reminds me of the How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight? website idea where based on some stats and other input, it was calculated how many 5 year olds you could theoretically beat up should the situation ever arise.

Even the larger and heavier dogs rarely broach sizes that would prevent you from being able to physically move them around. Aside from some gnarling teeth, there’s not too much to worry about, one would think.

When the question arose, turned out some readers even had experiences with this. Here’s what they had to say:

I’ve fought a dog before, it was only ~25lbs though with a smallish mouth when I was 10 or 11.

At one point I had it pinned on it’s back with my had around it’s neck to make it settle down. It clawed the hell out of me but it was better than getting bit.

When I was younger about 4 years ago I was walking down a road when I seen a stray dog barking aggressively at a young girl, she was scared sh*tless picking up the pace and looking back at it not having a clue that she was causing the dog to get more excited. it was a dark brown mut, some sort of Labrador cross breed, but a good size.

It was clearly ready to go for her so I shouted in the dogs direction to get its attention which sure enough it did. It stops and gives me a look and then leaves the girl for me. Party on I guess.

Comes trodding along barking at me and I keep eye contact while walking to its side. It gets pretty close to me barking and snapping by this point I guess to see how I would react, while doing so I just had my right foot primed for a football kick to its head. Then it just jumps at me and snaps my left leg, I follow up with a nice leg kick to its ribs. It goes for my upper left leg not far from my groin and catches the skin to which I landed a nice hammer fist clean on top of its head which seemed to stun it and get the dog into defensive mode. I guess with the adrenaline I just snapped and followed up with heavy kicks to its face and sides to which it was responding with moans after each kick. Then this dog clearly is in no condition to fight as its tail sweeps under its legs and it begins to retreat. I push on as it runs around the corner but stop after I see it pick up the pace.

Human 1 - Dog 0

No sign of the young girl I stood up for, she had no idea that some random person just took on a dog for her.

I wouldn’t run… it excites their play drive and gets them more excited and bent on hunting you.

When I was 9 I was bitten in the back of my leg by a large mixed breed dog that was traveling in a pack of 3 other dogs. When it bit me I didn’t cry,run, or fight. I turned around and walked slowly back down the mountain and the pack stayed put. You have to try to stay calm even if you’re being bitten.

I’d say realistically, you HAVE to fight.. not much other choice. If you run Read the rest of this entry »

Indiana Jones Costumes

15 Reasons Sarah Palin Will Never Win Any Argument

October 11th, 2008 (Visited 282,857 times)

Without getting uber political, it’s safe to say that Senator John McCain’s pick of Sarah Palin for Vice President was done less for substance and more for political gain. Barack Obama did the same with Joe Biden, although perhaps to a lesser degree. It’s just the way the two party game goes.

Although one problem Palin faces that Biden never will: She’s hot. A G.I.L.F., if you will.

What should that matter, in the realm of mature political discussion you ask? Well in that realm it wouldn’t, but we live in reality and in reality we laugh at the expense of others, we’re sometimes kind of assholes, and we tend to, as a species, find even amazingly stupid stuff pretty funny.

Letting that line there help segue into the following pics… Here are a few examples of reasons why, even if Sarah Palin was actually really really smart, she’d still lose any discussion. It has to do with pee-pee jokes, sexual innuendo, and things we think but don’t say.

These pics were furiously captioned as forums around the net picked up on a recent meme with Palin after the VP debate. If you notice a trend, it’s intended :)

** Note of caution: If you consider yourself intelligent or of high moral standing, it may be best to call it a day and not go any further. This is not intelligent humor. I’m totally serious. **

Click on the thumbnails for a larger version of the image

Frosted Flakes - The Jigsaw Puzzle

Frosted Flakes - The Jigsaw Puzzle

Reverse Yo Momma?

Sarah Palin Yo Momma

Then Who Was Phone?

Sarah Palin Joe Biden Who Was Phone?

If you don’t get the “who was phone” reference - see this link

Poop Jokes

Poop Jokes

A MILF

Sarah Palin - What Is A MILF/GILF?

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What Are Some “Secrets” At Your Workplace That Management Will Never Admit To?

September 8th, 2008 (Visited 275,929 times)

Shhh Workplace SecretsWe’ve all been there before. Everywhere you work, there’s always a few things that you realize probably don’t get advertised to the public. Or a few things that are just publicly ignored altogether.

A few friends and I got talking on the subject and as the conversation grew to their friends and their friends, some very interesting replies came back.

Workplace Secrets

So what do you know about where you work, that you probably shouldn’t?

These were the top 40 that we discovered.

After working at Blockbuster for more than 2 years, we only just turned the security towers on.

I work at an emissions/inspections place for the county.

We fail cars driven by people who look like jerks.

Walmart has contingency plans for every occasion, from blackouts to tornadoes to nuclear wars.

Don’t let anyone leave, stay away from windows. pretty much the same as a tornado, actually. I always wonder if they just got lazy with that one.

When I was 17 I worked at KFC.

KFC Honey BBQ SandwichBBQ Chicken sandwich meat is made from the previous days chicken de-boned and then added to BBQ sauce. If it didn’t sell we would just put it back in the fridge. it was never “changed” So you could be eating week old chicken.

Extra Krispy Chicken is krispy because it is made with the fryer (collecto) lid open. Original is made with the fryer closed.

If you say you don’t want a receipt, I end up with a little extra money in my drawer and even more in my pocket.

Residence advisers have no authority.

The video store I worked for only had one original copy of each movie, the rest were copies we made.

I peed in the slush puppy machine regularly.

We turn the air conditioning off at the bar I work at when we are ready to run all the drunks out and go home.

We talk about you when you are sedated. A lot.

I work at your ISP. We read your email and track what torrents you download.

The company owner knowingly and willingly hires illegal Mexicans.

Cruise LineWhen booking cruises, there is a deposit of $250 per person required, so if you plan on having 2 in a room and don’t wanna pay the full deposit, just book the room as a single and pay only $250 instead of $500. Then just add the 2nd person later when paying the balance.

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How To Properly Dispose Of A Body? Don’t Ask The Internet Questions You’re Not Comfortable Getting Answers To…

September 5th, 2008 (Visited 237,920 times)

How To Dispose Of A Body?Yikes! I remember growing up, we always had those discussions in our groups about stupid questions like how to get away with something.

How to sneak out at night?

Stuff your blankets in the shape of a body and quietly crawl through the window.

How to cheat on a test?

Write the answers on your palm.

How to get away with murder?

Someone would always bring up something from a prison movie or something where some stealthy murder weapon was used. An icicle so the evidence melts, etc. That was about as far as we got. Not actually planning a murder, we didn’t really need to go much further than baseless conjecture and entertaining TV plot twists.

For example, if you’ve watched Guy Ritchie’s movie “Snatch”, you got a disturbingly funny and unusual answer from Brick Top:

Snatch Movie: Brick TopYou’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. […] And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig sh*t, now do you?

They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.

But then if you’ve seen his other films like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, there’s always a collection of great quotes to be gleamed from those movies.

David Lamar Anthony - How NOT To Dispose Of A Body

As I was thinking about this, it reminded me of the bodies police found buried in oil drums out in Buckeye, Arizona. It used to be the boonies, but as the Arizona real estate housing bubble hit and even the boonies had new development going up for homes, Walmarts, Costcos, and other cookie cutter commercial landmarks, the oil drums were discovered by a backhoe. A family member had just moved into the new homes across the street from this location and watched the construction screech to a halt while the investigation went on:

Bodies found at Walmart construction siteOn October 18, 2005, construction workers who had been contracted to work on the building of a Walmart store found two trash drums hidden under a tree in Buckeye, forty miles from downtown Phoenix. Skeletal remains were found inside the drums.

Police were called to investigate the area, and, after collecting the skeletons, DNA testing was performed, confirming that the skeletons belonged to Donna Anthony and her daughter, who was fourteen at the time of her death. On October 31, police investigating the area found a third trash bin, with more remains inside. The third trash can was found with help of a metal detection machine that had been loaned by the Phoenix Police Department from the United States Air Force. Maricopa county sheriff Joe Arpaio, a particularly outspoken sheriff, told the Arizona Republic that he was “99 percent sure” that the remains inside the bin belonged to Donna Anthony’s son Richard, who was twelve at the time of his death.

But then you go and ask the internet, what they would do? You get some very scary answers.

One answer that came up Read the rest of this entry »

31 Absolutely Jawdropping Photos, Taken Completely Out Of Context, From The 2008 Beijing Olympic Games In China

August 25th, 2008 (Visited 229,730 times)

The 2008 Beijing Olympics have come to a close, medal counts have been tallied, superstars have been made, and endorsement deals are being signed. As always, now we can expect the deluge of highlights, lowlights, and gag reels from all the on-scene and behind the scene footage that’s been collected.

In that tradition, here are some of the funniest, unusual, or downright WTF moments caught on camera this time. Now, if they actually had factual and detailed information next to them, they’d simply be “interesting”. Personally, I think pictures like these merit an eager imagination and are even more funny, when we have no idea what’s really going on.

And with that…

Kissing The Balance Beam

Some might see this, adjust their seating position and say, “Hmm, reminds me of that Heather chick” leaving everyone else wondering what they’re talking about. The rest of us are left with only the question of whether this was caught a moment before a terrible and awesome balance beam crash, or if this young gymnast is about to perform the oft-spoke-of-never-before-seen-on-film American Nose Dismount technique.

Kissing The Balance Beam

Beat Up A Sixth Grader

While Women’s Softball and other games were being phased out, several others were being tested for possible new competitions. In this shot of the “Beat Up A Sixth Grader” competition, we can see the highly successful team-based maneuver where the sixth grader is first immobilized by a flying clothesline - then slammed in the face with an Official Olympic Soccer Ball. The Alley-Oop equivalent of this amazing new game.

Beat Up A Sixth Grader

Bob The Photog

Taking even the most impressive crash in stride, Bob, the consummate professional, never strays from his duty to capture the games up close and personally.

Bob The Photog

Father Tom, The Boxing Coach

Priest-cum-Boxing Coach, Father Thomas, expertly handles any situation where a crying or incapacitated young man is left in a dangerous position. Boxers can also be very whiny by nature, so this may also be a shot of Father Thomas gently dragging the losing boxer out of the ring as the Olympian regretfully attempts to cling to the floor of the ring with his gloved hands.

Father Tom, The Boxing Coach

Grasping For Grip

Wrestling is all about leverage and forcing your opponent into submission. This may be an ancient Chinese pressure-point technique, or just a desperate grasp for something to grab a hold of.

Grasping For Grip

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