The Most Inappropriate Yet AWESOME Advertisement To Ever Grace A News Article

June 19th, 2008 (Visited 31,492 times)

You can’t make this stuff up folks.

Browsing the news, I come across a fairly typical story about a drug bust. Ok, so the woman in question stuffed her drugs into the most available orifice in order to hide it from police. Ok, so she got busted after a full cavity search. Nothing really out of the ordinary here, right?

Then comes this quote:

Typically, authorities discover between 1/2 and 1 gram of cocaine when someone is arrested for possession of the drug. An ounce of cocaine, about 27 grams, is about the size of a golf ball, he said.

Again, you get a slight visual regarding the size of said drugs stuffed into said vagina, but nothing really jumps out as extremely interesting aside from some basic mental logistics.

But then I see this ad on the far right side:

In case you can’t make it out, here’s the text on the ad:

BORED? Sounds like you want to play some OFFICE GOLF!

With everything dynamic nowadays, they probably just matched some words with some ads they had. Nothing for cocaine arrest? How about stuffing sexual organs with illicit substances? Nothing work friendly you say? Hmm.. oh wait. GOLF! Yes, give the user a golf ad!

Specifically, something involving stuffing golf-ball sized objects into holes AT the office. Brilliant.

Some say the robot revolution is yet to come. I say they’re wrong – machines are damned well self-aware, they’re just having so much fun on the internet they haven’t had a chance to take over the world yet.

Posted in Funny, Just Shocking, Overheard Gems | 1 Comment »

Darwin: 1 Man: 0 – Teenager “Accidentally” Kills Himself Trying To Rob A House

June 18th, 2008 (Visited 26,276 times)

You might say he had one shot.. and he blew it.

I’m sure we’ve all met people who we’re SURE would get eaten by a hippo or butchered by a walrus were it not for our global societies subsidizing stupidity.

Here is a case in point:

A 19-year-old man accidentally shot and killed himself Tuesday morning while he was attempting to rob a Grand Prairie home, authorities said.

Cameron Sands, 19, of Fort Worth kicked in the door of the house and then shot himself in the stomach as he pulled a gun out of his pants to shoot the homeowner, Grand Prairie police said. The homeowner was not injured.

After Mr. Sands shot himself, he dropped the gun and ran out of the home. Police found his body around 5:30 a.m. in the driveway of the home in the 2800 block Garden Grove Road, said Lt. John Brimmer, a Grand Prairie police spokesman.

“This is the first that I’ve heard of a robbery suspect killing himself as he is drawing a gun out of his waist band,” Lt. Brimmer said. “The criminal evidence points to that. It certainly isn’t common.”

The Tarrant County Medical Examiner has ruled the death an accident.

Home invasions are scary things indeed. So I can’t feel TOO bad for laughing at what normally should be a much less laughable headline. Pat yourself on the back today… You’re almost certainly doing better than at least one person today.

Posted in Funny, Just Shocking | 12 Comments »

Weapons of Mass Destruction: The Compressed Air Knife

June 18th, 2008 (Visited 17,906 times)

While originally for underwater purposes, one can’t help but think of all the gruesome ways this could be used for evil. Important to note though, that sticks, papercuts, and Elmer’s Glue can also be used for evil, keep the knee-jerk-must-ban-now reactions to yourself

Gregory Rondinone patented this device, which blows compressed air through a small slit in the knife that can blast the internals of anything it pierces with highly pressurized air. Wicked sick is an understatement. Just the simple mental image of the damage this could do is amazing. It takes combat knives to a whole new level.

Here’s more from the patent itself:

The handle has an internal cavity containing a compressed gas source and the blade is affixed to the handle. The blade has an internal bore running along a longitudinal axis from the handle to a point proximate a tip. The blade further has an aperture extending from a first edge to the internal bore at an angle relative to the longitudinal axis of between 15.degree. and 75.degree..

The trigger has a depressed position and a not depressed position. When in the depressed position, the internal bore communicates with the compressed gas source and when in said not depressed position, the internal bore is blocked from the compressed gas source. When a creature is pierced with the knife, the trigger is depressed injecting compressed gas into the creature greatly enhancing the incapacitating effect of the knife.

“Their bellies would inflate and they said it would force the shark’s stomach out of their mouths”

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Posted in Just Shocking, Overheard Gems, Technology | 1 Comment »

5 Of The Most Simple And Most Effective Ways To Raise Your Credit Score 100 Points Or More

May 28th, 2008 (Visited 32,464 times)

The truth is that there really are no secrets about building better credit. Most consolidation or debt management agencies simply try to get lenders to write-down debt which still leaves marks on your credit score. Credit card piggybacking is no longer counted in your FICO score or other credit scores. But, that can also be refreshing news. If you spend less time focusing on the small ways to sneak away with a better score, you can spend more time on the most simple and effective ways to get to that three digit number you want so badly.

It’s not impossible to see as much as a 100 point increase in your score if you’re diligent. Consider it like a role-playing game. Your goal is to level up, reach a new credit tier, and reduce your excess baggage. In 25 days last month, by clearing up some of my credit reports of false claims or inaccurate information, I raised my score almost 50 points.

1) Your Credit Score and Reason Codes

Consumer credit scores are not the same as lender credit scores. Consumer credit scores pulled online are considered educational and are different from those used by lenders. You can go online to sites like MyFico.com and pull the more accurate credit scores used by the majority of lenders. In most cases, there is a cost for these scores (I recommend using the 30-day trial banner at the bottom of this post since you can cancel at no charge before 30 days).

Be aware that your credit scores are pulled when you apply for a loan. Ask the loan officer for your credit scores and the reason codes that go with them. The reason codes provide valuable information by which you can identify problems affecting your credit score. They are your road map to improving your credit. Mortgage lenders are required to give you a copy of your credit scores and usually the reason codes that go with them. It is much more informative if you can get your actual reason codes from the lender.

2) “Time is of the Essence” – Think “Golden Accounts” and Good Lenders

A Golden Account is any account you have that remains open for many years (ten or more) and can drive credit scores to higher levels. Once such accounts are identified, leave them open and periodically use them. If you can, establish multiple golden accounts in your credit profile. They will add substantial value to your credit scores for months and years to come. You want to create “Depth”.

Depth is created by how long our accounts have been open. Depth with our accounts determines how high our credit scores can go. Review your credit file and identify how long your accounts have been open. Higher scores will be realized when most of your accounts have been open for at least four years.

3) New Accounts Hurt – At Least At First

Once you have an established credit profile, avoid opening new accounts at every opportunity. Opening multiple accounts within a 12-month period can be extremely detrimental to credit scores. We should pay particular attention to the number of loans we have opened in the last year. Any new loan adds risk and lower credit scores. Space them out to avoid sudden declines in your scores.

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Posted in Credit Score | 2 Comments »

Sallie Mae Student Loan Glitch Crashes Credit Scores For 1 Million Students

May 19th, 2008 (Visited 31,910 times)

Checked mine and I’m fine – might want to do the same.

If it does appear you were affected, contact Sallie Mae immediately to get a credit reference so that you can clear things up. 52 points is huge.

Michelle Richards and her husband have been saving up so they and their toddler can move out of their 500-square-foot rental, and into a home of their own.

She’s worked diligently to improve her credit score so they can qualify for a loan.

“Never pay late. Never,” she said.

Part of that effort has meant paying her monthly Sallie Mae student loan bills in full, on time for the past two years.

That’s why she was shocked when an e-mail from her credit monitoring service popped up Tuesday night.

“Michelle, there are a few changes to your credit report today,” it said.

The alert says that overnight, her FICO credit score dropped by 52 points.

“Devastation hit me at that point, in fact, I was shaking. Oh, my gosh, did I overlook something?’” she said.

Richards had not overlooked a thing. The problem originated with Sallie Mae last week, during a download of account information to a credit bureau. That mistake negatively impacted the credit scores of 1 million Sallie Mae customers.

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Posted in Stories and Experiences | 2 Comments »