June 5th, 2008
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Yikes! I remember growing up, we always had those discussions in our groups about stupid questions like how to get away with something.
How to sneak out at night?
Stuff your blankets in the shape of a body and quietly crawl through the window.
How to cheat on a test?
Write the answers on your palm.
How to get away with murder?
Someone would always bring up something from a prison movie or something where some stealthy murder weapon was used. An icicle so the evidence melts, etc. That was about as far as we got. Not actually planning a murder, we didn’t really need to go much further than baseless conjecture and entertaining TV plot twists.
For example, if you’ve watched Guy Ritchie’s movie “Snatch”, you got a disturbingly funny and unusual answer from Brick Top:
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. [...] And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?
Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig sh*t, now do you?
They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
But then if you’ve seen his other films like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, there’s always a collection of great quotes to be gleamed from those movies.
David Lamar Anthony – How NOT To Dispose Of A Body
As I was thinking about this, it reminded me of the bodies police found buried in oil drums out in Buckeye, Arizona. It used to be the boonies, but as the Arizona real estate housing bubble hit and even the boonies had new development going up for homes, Walmarts, Costcos, and other cookie cutter commercial landmarks, the oil drums were discovered by a backhoe. A family member had just moved into the new homes across the street from this location and watched the construction screech to a halt while the investigation went on:
On October 18, 2005, construction workers who had been contracted to work on the building of a Walmart store found two trash drums hidden under a tree in Buckeye, forty miles from downtown Phoenix. Skeletal remains were found inside the drums.
Police were called to investigate the area, and, after collecting the skeletons, DNA testing was performed, confirming that the skeletons belonged to Donna Anthony and her daughter, who was fourteen at the time of her death. On October 31, police investigating the area found a third trash bin, with more remains inside. The third trash can was found with help of a metal detection machine that had been loaned by the Phoenix Police Department from the United States Air Force. Maricopa county sheriff Joe Arpaio, a particularly outspoken sheriff, told the Arizona Republic that he was “99 percent sure” that the remains inside the bin belonged to Donna Anthony’s son Richard, who was twelve at the time of his death.
But then you go and ask the internet, what they would do? You get some very scary answers.
One answer that came up Read the rest of this entry »