What Are Some “Secrets” At Your Workplace That Management Will Never Admit To?

We’ve all been there before. Everywhere you work, there’s always a few things that you realize probably don’t get advertised to the public. Or a few things that are just publicly ignored altogether.

A few friends and I got talking on the subject and as the conversation grew to their friends and their friends, some very interesting replies came back.

Workplace Secrets

So what do you know about where you work, that you probably shouldn’t?

These were the top 40 that we discovered.

After working at Blockbuster for more than 2 years, we only just turned the security towers on.

I work at an emissions/inspections place for the county.

We fail cars driven by people who look like jerks.

Walmart has contingency plans for every occasion, from blackouts to tornadoes to nuclear wars.

Don’t let anyone leave, stay away from windows. pretty much the same as a tornado, actually. I always wonder if they just got lazy with that one.

When I was 17 I worked at KFC.

BBQ Chicken sandwich meat is made from the previous days chicken de-boned and then added to BBQ sauce. If it didn’t sell we would just put it back in the fridge. it was never “changed” So you could be eating week old chicken.

Extra Krispy Chicken is krispy because it is made with the fryer (collecto) lid open. Original is made with the fryer closed.

If you say you don’t want a receipt, I end up with a little extra money in my drawer and even more in my pocket.

Residence advisers have no authority.

The video store I worked for only had one original copy of each movie, the rest were copies we made.

I peed in the slush puppy machine regularly.

We turn the air conditioning off at the bar I work at when we are ready to run all the drunks out and go home.

We talk about you when you are sedated. A lot.

I work at your ISP. We read your email and track what torrents you download.

The company owner knowingly and willingly hires illegal Mexicans.

When booking cruises, there is a deposit of $250 per person required, so if you plan on having 2 in a room and don’t wanna pay the full deposit, just book the room as a single and pay only $250 instead of $500. Then just add the 2nd person later when paying the balance.

Antonio’s in Connecticut pours Burnett’s vodka into every vodka bottle they carry.

We don’t prosecute you for stealing cable.

You can easily steal cable.

If you book your reservation through a travel agency, and call the cruise line with your reservation number, Royal Caribbean will ask for the agency phone number instead of IATA number, so if you know the number you can pose as the travel agent and make any changes. Normally only a T/A can modify a travel agency booking.

We use pirated copies of MS Office, Acrobat, and any other software. Once, when our ISP sent us a letter informing us that we were caught downloading illegal content via BitTorrent, the IT Director was instructed by the owners to act upset and ask if they had more information so that we could find the employee and fire them. He knew they wouldn’t know due to the network setup and that it would grant them a get-out-of-jail card so they could continue using illegal software.

Sick of it, when he left, he reported them to the BSA (Business Software Alliance). The owners never got in trouble. We were probably too small of a company.

The next Need for Speed game is going to have very terrible acting in the live-action parts.

Oh and EA is going to try and trick everyone into thinking that there’s a Need for Speed movie coming out as a marketing ploy.

Boss employs illegals, his buddy had to flee the country and now resides in Belize.

When you saw extra cheese we don’t do anything, the same goes for extra sauce.

Our parts department is the lowest price for parts in the region. They make their money by selling twice as much fluids needed to service customers, then keeping the extra and reselling it again to other service customers. Yet the company proudly touts it does not believe in making a “dishonest dollar.”

Upper management does not like this pointed out.

When I had two hourly jobs where I had to “sign in” my hours….I was two places at once

When I worked at a call center, if you were nice to me, I would hook you up with free items.

At school, teachers talk mad shit about your kid(s).

Computer Technician: Yes, we do copy files we like, be it music, porn (I don’t copy people’s porn because it’s usually a movie I have at a crappy size), and if there is any, pictures and video of hot girls/family members.

When you go swimming, we quickly measure your ability to swim and spend the rest of the time watching chicks.

My job is 100% unnecessary. They could buy a monkey and train it to do what I do. But i make really good money, so I’m not gonna let this secret be known to anybody in the department.

At our Mongolian BBQ restaurant, folks routinely have much more food than they could think of eating. Due to regulations, however, and for fear of being sued, we throw away enough food to feed the homeless, at no cost, all year long.

One day’s worth of perfectly good tossed food could feed dozens if not hundreds of homeless, per store, with high quality cuts of beef, chicken, turkey, and pork, and an arrangement of fresh vegetables.

If a customer tells me “monkey brains”, I have to give him a free sammich.

About 10 years ago I did an internship on a MTSO (Mobile Telephone Switching Office) in a telecommunications company, yes we knew where you were and we could hear all you were saying.

At my job we sweep our drop boxes regularly to keep the tills low. The safe is opened using a pin #. If someone were to rob us he’d get dick out of the tills so he’d have to have us open the safe. If you enter in a your pin but on the last digit go up 1 from your real number, it calls the cops and they’re there within 2 minutes. The safe has a timed 2 minute delay before it will open.

I like that.

At Starbucks we really don’t give two shits about making your coffee right “every time.” In fact we hardly ever make it right, we cut corners, use whatever milk is available if the right kind isn’t steamed, and do whatever we can to get you out of there faster.

I drive freight trucks and we consistently run “heavy”.

The best way to steal from our “Super” grocery store is to go to the deli and buy the largest drink you can buy. Stuff everything you can fit, inside the cup. Buy a pack of gum, and if it beeps (it shouldn’t), just show the receipt for the gum.

For larger items like CDs and DVDs, buy a pizza from our deli (frozen), and then stuff as much as you can in a single layer under the pizza. If you get beeped, show the receipt for the pizza.

If you leave a present for us on the top of one of our tires as you head out, we will never stop you as long as you don’t forget to thank us each time.

The company would go under if they did a drug test.

I don’t do any of it but I regularly see 2-3 employees leaving the 1 person employee bathroom.

At the bar I work at we fill the “top shelf” liquors with the wells all the time.

Also we have had a problem with fruit flies getting into the liquor and my boss has had me strain them to get the flies out.

We throw away enough of the drug we make to cover every person without insurance who needs them.

Extremely large batch sizes require overly large sample sizes for quality testing. The tests themselves require a small fraction of what gets pulled for testing, the rest is tossed in the garbage.

When I worked retail parts store, we would remember phone numbers of people with the same vehicle we had just in case we ever had a problem whether it be an alternator or starter typically we were all covered.

A lot of people do this with their friends warranty info and since we never checked ID everyone still does it.

We had a mandatory three-hour seminar that told us what acronyms we should use to make the federal government happy - should there be a large-scale disaster.

When you create an account with us, your password is emailed unencrypted to us and we will check MySpace and other sites in case you use the same passwords. We will then save and post your racy pictures on the internet.

Every Thursday night, me and my coworkers drink up in the projection booth.

If you have a nice suit you can get into almost any part of a hotel as long as you look like you have somewhere to be.

Office Depot: No security. All cameras are fake. Can’t apprehend anyone even if you saw them take shit. Make a scene and you can have almost anything at a huge discount.

House of Bagels: Everything is fresh and legit. Nothing bad about this place.

IT: we see everything you do.

I used to work at a dry cleaners in high school..

There is no none/light/med/heavy starch.

There is only light and heavy. EVERYTHING laundered gets some starch.

Not really a secret but pretty cool: Alfentanyl is 1000 times stronger than morphine and we have to give it to people in micrograms.

A lot of medicine is based on opinion and tradition. For example, there is no proof that giving adrenaline while resuscitating somebody is actually useful - but nobody is brave enough to do a study by not giving the drug. The US uses bicarbonate during resuscitation but we only use it in Europe after you have been down for quite a while (Europe’s reason is based on fact whilst US’s is just tradition.) There’s a lot of these things.

Eli Lilly, a pharmaceutical company, makes antibiotics that can kill every bacteria out there but they would not make money on the drugs due to not enough people dying from superbugs. A professor of microbiology I know used to work for them.

Got any interesting secrets of the trade or stories about places you used to, or still work at?

Tags: workplace, secret, funny