What Are Some “Secrets” At Your Workplace That Management Will Never Admit To?
September 8th, 2008 | by Ginnie | (Visited 503,087 times)
We’ve all been there before. Everywhere you work, there’s always a few things that you realize probably don’t get advertised to the public. Or a few things that are just publicly ignored altogether.
A few friends and I got talking on the subject and as the conversation grew to their friends and their friends, some very interesting replies came back.
Workplace Secrets
So what do you know about where you work, that you probably shouldn’t?
These were the top 40 that we discovered.
After working at Blockbuster for more than 2 years, we only just turned the security towers on.
I work at an emissions/inspections place for the county.
We fail cars driven by people who look like jerks.
Walmart has contingency plans for every occasion, from blackouts to tornadoes to nuclear wars.
Don’t let anyone leave, stay away from windows. pretty much the same as a tornado, actually. I always wonder if they just got lazy with that one.
When I was 17 I worked at KFC.
BBQ Chicken sandwich meat is made from the previous days chicken de-boned and then added to BBQ sauce. If it didn’t sell we would just put it back in the fridge. it was never “changed” So you could be eating week old chicken.
Extra Krispy Chicken is krispy because it is made with the fryer (collecto) lid open. Original is made with the fryer closed.
If you say you don’t want a receipt, I end up with a little extra money in my drawer and even more in my pocket.
Residence advisers have no authority.
The video store I worked for only had one original copy of each movie, the rest were copies we made.
I peed in the slush puppy machine regularly.
We turn the air conditioning off at the bar I work at when we are ready to run all the drunks out and go home.
We talk about you when you are sedated. A lot.
I work at your ISP. We read your email and track what torrents you download.
The company owner knowingly and willingly hires illegal Mexicans.
When booking cruises, there is a deposit of $250 per person required, so if you plan on having 2 in a room and don’t wanna pay the full deposit, just book the room as a single and pay only $250 instead of $500. Then just add the 2nd person later when paying the balance.
Antonio’s in Connecticut pours Burnett’s vodka into every vodka bottle they carry.
We don’t prosecute you for stealing cable.
You can easily steal cable.
If you book your reservation through a travel agency, and call the cruise line with your reservation number, Royal Caribbean will ask for the agency phone number instead of IATA number, so if you know the number you can pose as the travel agent and make any changes. Normally only a T/A can modify a travel agency booking.
We use pirated copies of MS Office, Acrobat, and any other software. Once, when our ISP sent us a letter informing us that we were caught downloading illegal content via BitTorrent, the IT Director was instructed by the owners to act upset and ask if they had more information so that we could find the employee and fire them. He knew they wouldn’t know due to the network setup and that it would grant them a get-out-of-jail card so they could continue using illegal software.
Sick of it, when he left, he reported them to the BSA (Business Software Alliance). The owners never got in trouble. We were probably too small of a company.
The next Need for Speed game is going to have very terrible acting in the live-action parts.
Oh and EA is going to try and trick everyone into thinking that there’s a Need for Speed movie coming out as a marketing ploy.
Boss employs illegals, his buddy had to flee the country and now resides in Belize.
When you saw extra cheese we don’t do anything, the same goes for extra sauce.
Our parts department is the lowest price for parts in the region. They make their money by selling twice as much fluids needed to service customers, then keeping the extra and reselling it again to other service customers. Yet the company proudly touts it does not believe in making a “dishonest dollar.”
Upper management does not like this pointed out.
When I had two hourly jobs where I had to “sign in” my hours….I was two places at once
When I worked at a call center, if you were nice to me, I would hook you up with free items.
At school, teachers talk mad shit about your kid(s).
Computer Technician: Yes, we do copy files we like, be it music, porn (I don’t copy people’s porn because it’s usually a movie I have at a crappy size), and if there is any, pictures and video of hot girls/family members.
When you go swimming, we quickly measure your ability to swim and spend the rest of the time watching chicks.
My job is 100% unnecessary. They could buy a monkey and train it to do what I do. But i make really good money, so I’m not gonna let this secret be known to anybody in the department.
At our Mongolian BBQ restaurant, folks routinely have much more food than they could think of eating. Due to regulations, however, and for fear of being sued, we throw away enough food to feed the homeless, at no cost, all year long.
One day’s worth of perfectly good tossed food could feed dozens if not hundreds of homeless, per store, with high quality cuts of beef, chicken, turkey, and pork, and an arrangement of fresh vegetables.
If a customer tells me “monkey brains”, I have to give him a free sammich.
About 10 years ago I did an internship on a MTSO (Mobile Telephone Switching Office) in a telecommunications company, yes we knew where you were and we could hear all you were saying.
At my job we sweep our drop boxes regularly to keep the tills low. The safe is opened using a pin #. If someone were to rob us he’d get dick out of the tills so he’d have to have us open the safe. If you enter in a your pin but on the last digit go up 1 from your real number, it calls the cops and they’re there within 2 minutes. The safe has a timed 2 minute delay before it will open.
I like that.
At Starbucks we really don’t give two shits about making your coffee right “every time.” In fact we hardly ever make it right, we cut corners, use whatever milk is available if the right kind isn’t steamed, and do whatever we can to get you out of there faster.
I drive freight trucks and we consistently run “heavy”.
The best way to steal from our “Super” grocery store is to go to the deli and buy the largest drink you can buy. Stuff everything you can fit, inside the cup. Buy a pack of gum, and if it beeps (it shouldn’t), just show the receipt for the gum.
For larger items like CDs and DVDs, buy a pizza from our deli (frozen), and then stuff as much as you can in a single layer under the pizza. If you get beeped, show the receipt for the pizza.
If you leave a present for us on the top of one of our tires as you head out, we will never stop you as long as you don’t forget to thank us each time.
The company would go under if they did a drug test.
I don’t do any of it but I regularly see 2-3 employees leaving the 1 person employee bathroom.
At the bar I work at we fill the “top shelf” liquors with the wells all the time.
Also we have had a problem with fruit flies getting into the liquor and my boss has had me strain them to get the flies out.
We throw away enough of the drug we make to cover every person without insurance who needs them.
Extremely large batch sizes require overly large sample sizes for quality testing. The tests themselves require a small fraction of what gets pulled for testing, the rest is tossed in the garbage.
When I worked retail parts store, we would remember phone numbers of people with the same vehicle we had just in case we ever had a problem whether it be an alternator or starter typically we were all covered.
A lot of people do this with their friends warranty info and since we never checked ID everyone still does it.
We had a mandatory three-hour seminar that told us what acronyms we should use to make the federal government happy – should there be a large-scale disaster.
When you create an account with us, your password is emailed unencrypted to us and we will check MySpace and other sites in case you use the same passwords. We will then save and post your racy pictures on the internet.
Every Thursday night, me and my coworkers drink up in the projection booth.
If you have a nice suit you can get into almost any part of a hotel as long as you look like you have somewhere to be.
Office Depot: No security. All cameras are fake. Can’t apprehend anyone even if you saw them take shit. Make a scene and you can have almost anything at a huge discount.
House of Bagels: Everything is fresh and legit. Nothing bad about this place.
IT: we see everything you do.
I used to work at a dry cleaners in high school..
There is no none/light/med/heavy starch.
There is only light and heavy. EVERYTHING laundered gets some starch.
Not really a secret but pretty cool: Alfentanyl is 1000 times stronger than morphine and we have to give it to people in micrograms.
A lot of medicine is based on opinion and tradition. For example, there is no proof that giving adrenaline while resuscitating somebody is actually useful – but nobody is brave enough to do a study by not giving the drug. The US uses bicarbonate during resuscitation but we only use it in Europe after you have been down for quite a while (Europe’s reason is based on fact whilst US’s is just tradition.) There’s a lot of these things.
Eli Lilly, a pharmaceutical company, makes antibiotics that can kill every bacteria out there but they would not make money on the drugs due to not enough people dying from superbugs. A professor of microbiology I know used to work for them.
Got any interesting secrets of the trade or stories about places you used to, or still work at?
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September 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I used to work at Cox cable, this is all true when I worked there. When we got bored, we watched you.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Carry a clipboard. Its a ticket to anyplace you want to go.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I take public transportation and expense cab receipts.
I come up with ways to screw law firms out of money by inflating their invoices. They, in turn, pass this cost along to their clients.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
If I put a hole through through the cone of your speaker when installing it, and you can’t see it through the grille, I leave it like that.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
An old PC repair place I use to work at, not a mom and pop shop, would load cracked OSs back on peoples machines.
We were usually too busy to look through people’s hard drives though. We had a quick turnaround and lots customers. Probably would have been a goldmine though.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Kinda boring at my job, but this one’s tasty:
The receptionist f*cks one of the partners. He’s newly married. She can’t get pay increases, but does get the max bonus each year.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Yep, same here.
A guy there once took this lady’s brand new Dell and exchanged her 3GB RAM, GeForce 7900GTX (new at the time), and Audigy 2 GTi or something with 1GB ram, ATI 9600, and some Turtle Beach horseshit.
She had no idea what she had to begin with so he figured he’d upgrade his own. People aren’t smart with their money. It came in for a virus removal.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
My friend told me this years ago and was never sure of how true it is:
Boeing installs used parts that don’t meet the FAA’s QC standards on planes that are being delivered to foreign airlines.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
The “please turn cell phones off” sign is just because we don’t want you babbling on them during your visit. There isn’t any medical equipment that it messes with.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I bring my pistol in the office in my bag almost daily.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I used to work at a diesel repair shop when I was unemployed around 10 years ago… A routine oil change consisted of wiping off the oil filter and topping off the oil level.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Good for you. Gun laws are stupid. If you’re at work and there’s a shooter, odds are they’re not following the gun laws anyways.
Good thing your car is armed. It will be safe at least *sigh*
The Virginia school shooting could have been avoided with a couple students carrying in their bag as well. It’s when nobody is armed that these school shooters have a field day. There’s no fear and it’s like having godmode on…
September 8th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
This one will be great if nationalized health insurance comes our way:
The fastest way to get into a room is say you are having chest pain, difficulty breathing, and sweating on top of whatever reason you are actually there for.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Regarding the one about working at the MTSO, that’s true lol
That’s one of the perks about working in a cellular switch in the middle of the night, you get bored and you can just post up some trunks and listen to some funny as hell drunk calls, or listen in to some people calling phone sex lines… etc etc…
September 8th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I used to work at a Wendy’s and the meat they put in the chili is actually reject burger patties that are too dry to serve. basically they have a pan in which you will toss the dried out patties, they can sit there for 5 or 6 hours, from there if they arent in need of new chili they just go into a zip lock bag and into the freezer.
September 8th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Don’t ever eat the popcorn at Regal Theatres.
We weren’t paid enough to care what we did to it, so sometimes “extra” ingredients were thrown into an afternoon’s batch. Nothing dangerous, just rather disgusting.
Also, because everything was counted (hot dogs, pretzels, pizza’s, nacho’s) at the end of the day, and you would get in trouble if the count of items didn’t match the number in the computer for items sold, we would use things that fell on the floor!
If your pretzel fell on the floor, we would pick it up, wipe it off, and throw it in the microwave. If you saw us, we would pretend to throw it out, and when you would go away, we would put it back on the racks.
This wasn’t just something we did to stay out of trouble with the inventory managers, they routinely told us to do this to keep costs low, and reuse as much as possible!
September 8th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
In a town where limo drivers wear tuxedos, you can get into a strip club for free by wearing a tuxedo and telling the bouncer you need to go in there to talk to your clients. I did this at a strip club with a really expensive cover charge, several times.
September 8th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Travel insurance – you can claim dental on your insurance, as long as you get the dentist to write a medical certificate stating you were in extreme pain from toothache during your travels. That justifies emergency dental work. Dentists in lots of countries will do this, especially Eastern European countries.
September 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
“At school, teachers talk mad shit about your kid(s).”
So absolutely true. It’s a good thing that teachers can exercise restraint when dealing with stupid kids and their parents.
September 9th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
All of you are pathetic.
I see, here, countless people who lie, cheat, steal, deceive, invade privacy, etc.
People like you, or your bosses who encourage this behavior, are weak, and your parents failed.
Lucky for you there are honest, responsible people who have provided science, technology, public utilities, and works for you and your kind…..perhaps I am being too pesimistic….you will grow up one day, won’t you?
Will you feel proud, lying on your deathbed, knowing that you took so much, but never contributed?
September 14th, 2008 at 1:40 am
This is a great list. I am going to send the link to a few friends
September 16th, 2008 at 1:30 am
Amazingly funny list.
January 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Even as a teller, I can see if you have bad credit. We have tabs on our screens we can click that will tell us if you’ve bounced checks, deposited empty envelopes, claim to be overcharged on fees every month (and if you close your acct because of it, we can type in a code that will charge you MORE fees to do so…if you’re nice we will sometimes credit the fees). Be kind to your lowly bank employees, they have the power to make your life hell with the higher ups.
September 28th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
your kids do NOT have to be immunized in order to attend school. it is NOT MANDATORY. you can sign a form that says you object to your children having immunization shots. you can say you object because of religious, moral, or health reasons- but if you select health reasons, you have to have it verified by a doctor. otherwise, the school board has no choice but to honor your decision.
the chicken pox vaccination is completely unnecessary. it immunizes by inducing the virus- meaning you may get a disease you never would have gotten if you hadn’t taken a medicine to prevent you from getting it. if the shot does not induce a strain of chicken pox, chances are, you probably never would have contracted it, regardless of having the shot.
unless there is a large outbreak of a disease (like say ten to twenty percent of the school), we do not have to notify parents of contagious diseases. for one, it’s a big HIPPAA violation- for two, by the time kids show symptoms, they’ve already exposed everyone, and whoever is going to catch it, has already caught it.
be nice to the people who clean your offices at night. did it a long time ago and one floor was particularly nasty to us- we would get written up if it wasn’t spotless in the morning, but workers who stayed late would re-use emptied trash cans (not their own), refuse to let us vaccuum because “the sound irritated” them, and walked across mopped floors. drank coffee and left cups on tables, talked about us like we weren’t in the room (“i can’t imagine cleaning after people, i wouldn’t be able to look at myself in a mirror, hahaha…”). we would wait until they took cigarette or bathroom breaks and jump on their computers, go to sex sites, and then backspace them to their original page. why? because all websites not on a specific list triggered a screen print in the supervisors office. in the morning, the supervisor would get a printer full of explicit sites accessed by those employees computers. two people got fired. i won’t even comment on things i saw being done to food- but unattended cups at desks were subject to being dunked in dirty toilets and left to dry overnight.
teachers DO talk shit about your kids. they also talk shit about YOU. when your ten year old is telling people she wants to be a stripper, and you come to the office dressed in a miniskirt, tank top, stripper heels, and body glitter, you’re asking for it. remember you’re somebody’s mother and act like it.
fussy dry cleaners is a sweat shop. people work 10, 12 hour days and don’t get breaks. if you do take a break, you become so backed up in work that you get reprimanded. we also laugh at really fat people because their pants stink horribly- when they go up on the press, it’s like noxious fumes hit you in the face. we used to bet on how badly a persons clothes would smell based on body weight.
be nice to people at the deli counter. we can overcharge you when we weigh your food by reducing the weight of the container used for your order. ie, if chicken salad is 6.99 a pound, before we can total we have to subtract say 1.4 ounces for container weight. if we subtract 8 ounces for container weight you get half a pound of free food. but if we subtract say -8 ounces for container weight you will be charged an extra 3.50 for salad- and the scale won’t tell you what we’ve done.it will say you got a pound of salad because it only weighs after we enter the data.
telemarketers who sell magazines also sell playboy, hustler, penthouse, you name it. you just have to ask for it.
telemarketers are people too, who generally cringe every time they pick up a headset. when you refuse to buy, they make less money. want to get one off the phone? agree to buy. a week later someone will call to confirm that you actually want what you’ve bought. say no and it’s canceled- no harm, no foul, and the telemarketer still gets a bonus, about a quarter a pop, but that’s a lot when you get minimum wage or barely more than that.
telemarketers CAN NOT just hang up because you say no. that’s why they keep going. YOU have to hang up on THEM, or they have to try three more times during the call. don’t try to be nice- i’ve done this, and it was nicer if you just hung up and didn’t waste out time- we’d rather call other people than keep trying to sell you something you OBVIOUSLY don’t want. and yes, we are being listened to, which is why we can’t hang up.
telemarketers can give you a fake name- but the name has to be on file with the telemarketing company.
don’t be an ass to telemarketers, or instead of putting you on a “no call” list, they will simply mark you as “call at a different time” and you will be called by another telemarketer. you can get calls everyday for weeks before someone catches on- and when they do, telemarketers can just say they “hit the wrong code” when entering your callback data.
collection agencies have to take whatever you give them. if you make a check to them for a PENNY, they have to cash the check. they can not refuse to take any payment of any amount on any bill, even though they may tell you they can’t accept less than a certain amount. if they refuse to take a payment, then they screw up their own collection case.
kinda long- but, i’ve had a lot of jobs.