The GinBlog

What Happens When Hollywood Meets Information Technology - The Storm Worm - Featuring Jessica Alba’s Behind!

September 15th, 2007 | by Ginnie | (Visited 18,633 times)

Caught this comment from a user on Digg.com the other day and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. It’s completely spot on. In January, a backdoor Trojan virus dubbed the Storm Worm began infecting internet connected computers all over Europe and the United States. Guilty for spam messages with subjects like “Naked teens attack home director“, “Chinese missile shot down USA aircraft“, and “Saddam Hussein alive!” - it was quite a nuisance for IT techs everywhere.

But what happens when you mention the words “Storm Worm” to a Hollywood producer? Well, the light in his head goes off obviously!

Here’s what we think it would sound like

Hollywood Guy: “OK, so how big is this Storm Worm? Could it, like, eat Tokyo?”

Computer Guy: “Well, no, you see, the worm is actually electronic. It’s a virus that infects computers.”

Hollywood Guy: “It’s electronic! Brilliant! I love it, I love it. So we’ve got this giant robot worm, and it’s heading for Tokyo! Smash! New York is next! Now, how’s Matt Damon going to stop it?”

Computer Guy: “Well, usually what we do is reconfigure our routers to try to stop the SYN flood …”

Hollywood Guy: “There’s a flood? This gets better and better! Now, this flood, I’m picturing it as a kind of giant tidal wave that the worm creates as it swims across the Atlantic Ocean. And this immense wave is sweeping towards Manhattan. And Jessica Alba’s in the Empire State Building. And she can see the wave coming, but there’s no way that Clive Owen can reach her with his helicopter before it hits, so she’s running up the stairs trying to reach the roof. In these really short shorts and a crop top and we’ve got a hand-held cam just locked on her ass all the way to the top! Incredible! Now, who made this worm? Aliens? Terrorists?”

Computer Guy: “Well, we think they’re probably Russians …”

Hollywood Guy: “Russians! Pure genius! Of course it’s the fucking Russians! And the leader is this ice-cold cyber-hacker special forces dude, he’s ex-KGB and he’s like eight feet tall with dyed blond hair, and at the end of the movie, he and Bruce Willis are fighting on top of the worm, as it’s thrashing around in the flooded ruins of New York! Wham! Splash! Thump! Take that, Ivan!”

Computer Guy: “Well, that’s not quite …”

Hollywood Guy: “You’re right, you’re right. He’s gotta have a motivation. Why’s he doing this? Why did he build this worm?”

Computer Guy: “Well, we think they want to sell penis enlargement pills and mortgages.”

Hollywood Guy: “Mortgages. Mortgages … No, I’m not seeing it. Let’s just say that he hates our freedom, and we can sort out the details later …”

…

The movie will be out this Spring.

Tags: jessica alba, storm worm, computer, virus, russians, hollywood, producer, funny