Or the ever brilliant people who want a wet cappuccino with a quarter inch or less of foam. You mean a LATTE sweetheart? One brilliant customer responded with “no, lattes have too much milk”. I’m sorry did your brain just die from lack of use?

Let’s not forget, the extra hot with ICE CUBES. WTF!! Why?! Or sugar free vanilla extra extra caramel. If you’re attempting to cut down on your sugar consumption why not just get a reasonable ammount of caramel? Or better yet! Some exercise! Heaven knows that there’s enough SUV’s in the parking lot to kill an army with the exhaust fumes.

Or those lovely individuals who come once a week, and complain that we didn’t remember their drink. Firstly, we work shift work, the barista you’re talking to is not the same one that you ordered from last week. Secondly, we see at least a hundred individual customers each and every shift. We are physically incapable of remembering every drink that was ordered all shift and the names and faces of their owners. Thirdly, how could I possibly remake that “perfect” drink you had last time if you can’t describe it to me, can’t remember the name and/or face of the person who made it and can’t even remember what the hell you drank. I am not psychic, nor am I omnipresent, so you’ll have to throw me a bone here and give me a hint.

Or the most common annoyance. The indecisive whiners who order their drink then continually change their mind after we’ve called it. Dear God, I asked you if 2% was okay when you ordered. NOW you want non-fat?

Lastly, if you’re ordering a drink, speak clearly and enunciate at a volume that is audible over the music and retards on their phones. If you insist on mumbling quietly, don’t get offended when I ask you to repeat your order 2 or 3 or 12 times because otherwise I guess you’re just not going to get that “1/4 soy, 1/4 non-fat, 1/4 breve with just a 1/5th of an inch of foam cappuccino with 2 pumps of sugar free-vanilla and extra extra caramel in a cup of a size that you can’t decide”.

HANG UP!